Verse modesty

Liberality and Modesty, by Guido Reni

Talking to Skeletons

David Dumouriez, Liverpool: erbacce-press, 90pps., £10

The third poem in David Dumouriez’s collection is titled ‘POETRY IS WANK.’ It’s printed in capitals, runs two pages, and closes on the line “POETRY WILL NEVER NOT BE WANK.” Provocation or confession, it sets the terms for the book: eighty-odd pages from a poet who refuses, on the surface, to take poetry seriously, and who is, all the same, very good at it.

Talking to Skeletons ranges from English childhood to Istanbul, and the mixture is as eclectic as that suggests. There are elegies and satires, love poems, a walking tour of a childhood town, political rants, an ode to Cary Grant’s suit in North by Northwest, and a two-line poem about a curry. The voice is colloquial (sometimes too much so), sardonic, and almost religiously allergic to pretension. Rather than the elevated register, Dumouriez reaches for the pub, the bus stop, the snooker club. He is suspicious of anyone who takes themselves too seriously — himself included.

For me the collection’s finest moment is ‘51° 30′ N, 0° 25′ E,’ a long walking tour of a small English town that slowly turns into an elegy for a vanished self. Dumouriez takes us past polling stations, dog walks, rusted goalposts, a toyshop run by a Polish man, a church where he and a friend once tried to summon a thunderbolt by swearing at the threshold. The imagery is specific and unhurried: “Another postbox. Focal point back then. / Not sure now.” The accumulation of observed detail makes the place feel at once ordinary and irreplaceable. Memory, class and mortality converge without any of them being announced. And somehow the combination works.

‘Reading Kipling by Candlelight’ is one of the more personal poems in the book, and the one I found easiest to climb inside. Set during the 1999 Istanbul earthquake, it follows the speaker through a night of confusion. He mistakes the tremor for a burglar, goes back to sleep while the parks fill with frightened residents, and only in the morning grasps the scale of what he slept through. It’s funny and quietly unsettling at once. Dumouriez has an instinct for the exact detail that lifts an anecdote into something more: “Myself and one old woman, two floors up, / remained at home. My flaws you’ll find described. / As for her, perhaps she’d given up on life.” That last line does something the earlier stanzas don’t prepare you for. Death has entered what had been, up to that point, largely a comic story. And then life shrugs and moves on.

Talking to Skeletons is at its strongest when the humor and the grief run in parallel. ‘An Anglican Event’ opens with “My mother lies before us in a box, / to put it blunt,” and proceeds to take a funeral apart with deadpan precision: the vicar who “styles himself as ‘Father Tim,’” the embarrassed congregants working through hymns they haven’t sung since school, the curtain that makes it real. ‘Ex of England’ pulls off something similar with a grandfather’s hoarded possessions and an unidentified Victorian portrait heading for a bonfire. The joke in these poems does not push the grief aside; it comes out of the same material.

Dumouriez is most interesting when he runs into something that resists him: a death, a memory, a place, the stubborn survival of affection. When the sardonic voice has something to push against, the friction produces complexity. He is less interesting when he already knows what he thinks before the poem starts.

The smaller provocations don’t all land. The opening of ‘Sonnets from the Portuguese, 43 (revised)’ – “How can I fuck thee? Let me count the ways” – is genuinely funny and technically competent parody. But some of the shorter satirical pieces (‘Addendum,’ ‘Laid Back, Laid Under,’ ‘The Poetry is in the Potty’) read more like social-media wit than poems. Set beside ‘51° 30′ N, 0° 25′ E’ and ‘Reading Kipling,’ they sound a dissonant note. Dumouriez knows the difference between a poem and a punchline. He just prints the punchline anyway from time to time.

The unevenness points to a larger issue. Across the eighty-odd pages, subjects and attitudes recur – death, aging, literary pretension, cultural irritation – and a handful of the lighter pieces work against the stronger ones nearby rather than for them. A shorter book might have been a stronger one. That said, the excess is clearly a part of how Dumouriez writes, forever spotting something else that seems to want a joke or an elegy.

I come to the book as a poet who works mainly in formal verse and in two languages – about as far from Dumouriez’s aesthetic as one can reasonably get. What I hadn’t expected was how little the distance ended up mattering. Talking to Skeletons isn’t really asking to be identified with; it’s asking for a reader willing to be amused, provoked, and every so often caught off guard – the anecdote that opens onto mortality, the joke that turns without warning into grief.

Which is also, I think, why the opening declaration eventually defeats itself. For all the mockery of poetry and poets and gatekeepers (and his own reasons for writing), Dumouriez’s best poems rely on the one thing “POETRY IS WANK” pretends to distrust: the idea that arranging words carefully might preserve something that would otherwise vanish. That a poet who opens with “POETRY IS WANK” also writes “51° 30′ N, 0° 25′ E” is, in the end, the strongest argument against his own thesis.

The Restless Cavalier

DAVID DUMOURIEZ wouldn’t be tempted to blow his own trumpet even if (a) he had a trumpet or (b) he knew how to play one

The Restless Cavalier

After The Laughing Cavalier by Frans Hals

A stretching here. A straightening there.

The body knows the time before the mind.

Enough! He wants to rise and drink a cup.

“Come on, Frans. Propel that brush.

I’ll swear that my moustache ascends

more quickly than your paint’s applied!”


“That doesn’t work with me, as well you know.

Few hands sweep faster than the ones you see.”


“It’s been, how many days now?”


“Not enough! Stop shifting, will you?

Maintain the pose. And for the love

of all that’s holy, close your mouth!”


He smiles an unofficial smile.

Just one for himself, and not for Hals.

“Alright, old friend. Alright.

Just go until we lose the light.

You don’t know what it’s like

to sit wood-backed and weighted

down by yards of silk and braid.”


“You’re right, I don’t. I’m just the humble

artist in a smock, collecting sweat and grime

while days turn into weeks. Silk and lace?

I keep their fancy colours for the canvas!”


“Just as well I know you, Frans.

Some would hear you speak

and take your japes for truth.”

He slides his eyes. “I see the frames.

Each contains five hundred guilders!”


“Not until they’re filled. And even then

five hundred now, then next year four.

A decade – if I’m spared – who knows?

Japes will hold their value more,

and truth will be a better currency.”


“One that none of us will live to spend!”


“Not the one we’re making now.

But in the eyes and in the mouth –

if all goes well. Those who look will

feel that gaze until their final days.

And thankfully for them, the form

precludes depiction of your brain!”


“Its contents fly to you, and that’s enough.”


“I struggle to remember what you say,

much less the ‘thoughts’ that give them shape …”


“You know me, Frans – I’ll drink before

I think, and then I think I’ll drink again.”


Some more deft strokes, and then:

“Until we lose the light, you say?”


“Till then, and not a moment more.”


“You know,” he looks around,

“I think it’s gone. Or close enough.”


“Now that’s a truth I understand. Come on!”

In Good Company

DAVID DUMOURIEZ wouldn’t be tempted to blow his own trumpet even if (a) he had a trumpet or (b) he knew how to play one

In Good Company

I could not conceive of bone

(especially not my own!).

Bones were of the dead and

of the old, and I was neither.

Now, in a sense, I’m both.


My tunic stretched out

like a sack and melded with

the soil. My brasses lost their

sheen, turned to crusted

lumps, but never seemed

to doubt they’d be revived.


The greatest change of all

was me. I left your world

at just turned twenty-one.

Gone, I’d guess, much quicker

than I’d come. Painlessly,

unknowingly. But gone.


As our new mechanic ways

subverted nature, so earth

subverted rain, submerging me.

Two more years of action

next conspired to churn and

disarrange whatever parts had

battled to remain. My friend,

I’d not have had you see me then.


Well, as it will, time stilled

the air and held the ground,

then stalled. Stalled, until the

forty thousandth morning when

a farmer felt my outline in a field.

Not quite where the finish of me

started, I’ll remark, but close

enough for anyone who’d known.

I’d made it to another century

somehow. Touched another

consciousness at last.


I got a box and bugle call;

the fit young men more

solemn than I would have

guessed. My regiment was

found at once (the patience

of the brasses!) and now it’s

just the name. I thank them,

really, but I wish they’d save

their time. While better men

are nameless, I’ll be fine.

R. Anthony Browne

DAVID DUMOURIEZ wouldn’t be tempted to blow his own trumpet even if (a) he had a trumpet or (b) he knew how to play one

R. Anthony Browne

He loves to walk, thinks it
                        ‘concentrates the mind’
but never moves the same way twice>
You see, he can’t decide. Longer steps
transport the body quicker, no debate.
But sometimes – OK, often – straining’s
the occasion of a slip. The shorter pace
provides a sense of height (a boon
at five feet eight, it should be said!)
yet, performed with some neglect, could see
itself interpreted as ‘mincing’ or as ‘camp’.


And so, you see, at forty-three, he’s never

found his stride. He will, though, he believes.

Such matters can’t      be rushed or forced.

As he tells himself repeatedly:

            ‘elegance is key’.


Where some are something in the City,

he is half. The lesser half of something,

or the greater half of nothing, isn’t clear.

He has a desk and cubicle, and youngsters

to assist him if they’re in. His bosses know

his work but struggle with his name.

Except at Christmas, which is strange.

By their good auspices, he hopes to have an

office of his own. He doesn’t for a moment

pause to think that he’s already jammed

his crampon in its highest peak.


But the office is much more. A theatre.

A space in which to see, and to be seen.

A place not just for romance, but for love.

Yes, for love. That’s right.

He’s not beyond that notion yet, or ever.

Could narrate a few amazing tales, could he.

But wouldn’t, for the sake of those in question.

Their modesty and such. And, well, those

delightful moments now were done. The midnight

aches they brought, and shakes of great

anticipation (the more denied, the more intense).

Those girls were gone. Married and had kids.

He recalled them still and wished them well,

even now that everything was over.

In any case, he’d finally found ‘the one’.

Tracey Whitworth (how many months his youth?),

lips never less than crimson, with a curling tongue.

He’d never talked to her of anything

but paper clips and staplers. But he would.

He would. He would …


Yes, it’s elegance defines him, he believes.

Within the office, or without, he aims

to be the one who sets ‘the moment’.

Well, you wouldn’t understand. It’s the pure

articulation of those elements you’ve seen

and hardly noted but which, combined,

create a perfect whole. Let two words suffice:

Cary. Grant. OK, two more: Jude. Law.

For the old world charm, the former.

The latter for a modern urban take.∗

To this end, he suits it up in style.

Has a little silk and cashmere number,

made for him – of course, bespoke –

by an evasive little cutter on the coast,

with a knowing nod to Dolce & Gabbana.

Defying good advice, he went one-button.


And, when weeks of stitching turned to months,

the piece had almost lost its link to fashion.

Fitted well enough. Except perhaps the sleeves.

On the journey up from Thornton Heath,

he felt a right Marcello in that cloth.

For a while, at least. But those Burton-covered

fools had never noticed. Miss Whitworth

must have done. Yes, Miss Whitworth would.


Walking’s been integral to his carless life.

Well, you didn’t need one in the city.

It’s all our duties, he would say,

to do a little something for the planet.

If a prince among the plebs was what

his destiny was meant to be, then who

was he to argue or complain? That every

person had his place was plain to see.

It fell to him to occupy the role

of an exemplar. And if he were to rise

to greater heights and leave the drunkards

and the hooligans behind – if, that is,

some honour or some recognition were

to come his way – well, let’s just say …


And so you’ll see him at the weekends

on his travels. Most probably he’ll be alone,

but that’s from choice. It’s not that he’s without

close friends – far from it – just they slow him down.

There used to be a fellow, lived near Sutton,

who hoarded Eurovision souvenirs.

They might do Charing Cross together,

Leicester Square. Or Croydon High Street

on a less inspired day. But that was rare.

He found the chap annoying, to be fair,

and saw him less and less, till less was never.

Better company would doubtless come his way.


The climate of the island is his joy.

The coldest days will see him wrestling

with an outsize Crombie from an Oxfam shop

in Coulsdon that’s no longer there.

A little cooler brings a beige check blazer

that he bought from Hackett in a sale.

You should see his orange pocket square!

He likes to think he’d hand it to a lady

if the need for such a case arose.

But such is the dilemma of a dandy:

to aid or to refuse a human nose?

Cooler still brings linen. Bought in Marks

and Spencer off the rack. Perhaps he’ll

team it with a hat. And if he feels

particularly daring, a sockless pair

or espadrilles will go with that.

And always in his pocket is his card,

printed privately, apart from work:


R. Anthony Browne


(he agonised about ‘esquire’)

with his address and contact number,

ready to be handed in an arc if there

were any takers with the requisite desire.


R. Anthony Browne.

The ‘h’ to be distinctly sounded,

thank you very much.


R. Anthony Browne.

To have his trouser bottoms up or down?

To wear a tie-clip? To risk a t-shirt

with a scooped-out neck?


R. Anthony Browne.

These are his seasons and days.

‘We live in hope’

his favourite phrase.


            *(In fact, when at his best,

              he sees himself as Jude.

              And, discount the paunch, it’s true.

              Just not the Dickie Greenleaf Jude

              but the Phil Collins version

              of a later, sadder hue.)